It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
two words: eviction party
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
