He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize