Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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