No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
