thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize