Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
