You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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