Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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