are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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