areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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