I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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