Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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