in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
