Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize