My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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