thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
