I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
should my penis look like a turkey
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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