In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
