my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
