You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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