Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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