the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
