some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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