the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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