I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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