Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
