no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
