yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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