hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
