non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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