Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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