Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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