do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
