i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
