So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
