I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
