dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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