Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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