just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
