he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize