I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize