Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
