The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
