I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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