this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
