i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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