we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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