apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
