I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
