So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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