I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
