Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
