I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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