420 ftw
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
