to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i've created a new STD.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
