I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
