All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
