If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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