oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
