Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
