If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
