I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
