She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
