I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
