so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
